Saturday, June 09, 2007

Company Clown


“I’m busy.”

“Want to hear a joke?"


“Of course you do. Everyone loves jokes."

"Yours suck."

"Mine are unique."

"Yours are the only jokes I know that make me angry. Now get back to work."

"Why didn’t the chicken cross the road?"

" ..........................."

"Come on, your dyin’ to know!"

" .............................. .............. "

"Does that middle finger mean your curious?"

" .............................. ............................!"

"Because he was dead! That’s why he didn’t cross the street! Hah! Never thought of that, eh? God, that one cracks me up. Every time. All right, I gotta get back to work but first let me tell you about Georgie over there, God Damn that guy is a lazy ass, never does anything he doesn’t have to. Remember that report on shipping expenses that we were supposed to have done last Thursday? Well you know we didn’t get it in on time because he was too busy fuckin’ around on the computer instead of writing that thing out. God Damn, he’s puttin’ our department in serious trouble ‘cause of that kinda crap. That’s the kinda shit that I hate, sittin’ around screwing off when there’s shit to be done. The guy’s useless! I been here two months now and haven’t seen the guy do diddly, but I keep waitin’. And I’ll keep waitin’, because I got nothin’ but time, you know man? Like at my last job - wasn’t there long but....hey.....what’s that? Come on, what is that? Shit man, looks like a God damn pair of nun-chucks! Ah shit man, you gotta let me try those out! I love that kinda crap! Smackin’, crackin’, come on man, let 'em go for a day, I’ll have it back to you by mornin’, promise! No? You got to be kiddin’ me, man, those things are born to be used, not stuck in some drawer like that! You’re a beginner aren’t you? Never seen a pro use 'em? Oh you got to let me teach you how to use these things! Give ‘em up, just for a day, OK? Oh these things look wicked, fuckin’ heavy, too. I’ll tell you now I’m a master at this kind of shit, nun-chucks and shit, spent a lot of time with these right here...made some myself......All right man, thanks man, I’ll bring ‘em back in tomorrow. Christ, these things are heavy! Fuckin’ real shit, eh? Freakin’ weapon......"


Memo: One of our associates, Dirk Williams, has sustained serious injuries and will be unable to come back to work for a while. I expect that we will all pull together and get our reports in on time regardless. Cards and flowers can be sent to Pasadena Memorial Hospital, room 276.




"No problem.”

“Did you hear what happened?“

"Don’t need to. I’ve seen more people knock themselves out with nun-chucks than I can count. That’s why I keep them around. But go ahead, what’s the damage?”

“Broken nose, lost two front teeth, chipped a couple more. He’s got bruises all over him, guy kept it up until he knocked himself out cold. His land lady downstairs heard him hit the floor. Paramedics thought he’d been attacked by a bunch of thugs until they found the nun-chucks in the corner. Steve?”


"You’re a genius.”

“Not a genius, George, I just own nun-chucks and I know how to use them."

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